RTTS-06 Over the Rail

Over the Rail

Rengay Through the Seasons by Masago & Friends

Rengay #6, Oct 7-13, 2007 - by Vaughn Seward (vs)

Haijin

Stanzas

Season

Kigo

Link

Theme:
Detached

/vs

Yellow leaves
falling in the sun...like
flakes of snow.

Autumn

Yellow leaves

To 6: Falling / Spilling; Also Yellow

Leaves

/vs

Her lush blond hair —
first gray pulled out.

No Season

n/a

To 1: Sun / Blond

Gray hair

/vs

Sudden gust...
his toupee lifts off, over
the bridge rail.

No Season

n/a

To 2: Hair

Toupee

/vs

We pass over,
the muffler does not —
railway crossing.

No Season

n/a

To 3: Rail(s)

Muffler

/vs

Lake-side autumn picnic —
the boom box plays hits.

Autumn

Autumn picnic

To 4: Muffler / Amplifier

Nature

/vs

Roadside vendor —
cobs of corn overflow
onto the ground.

Autumn

Corn harvest

To 5: Picnic / Food

Corn

Technical Notes:

This haiku was written from a personal experience of seeing leaves being shaken off a tree laden with leaves in the fall. A gust of wind knocked off a whole "layer" of leaves and they drifted to the ground with the sun, low in the horizon, shining behind them. It instantly reminded me of a fresh snowfall being knocked off a tree in the wind. Both images are relatively uncommon. The snow has to have just fallen and be very dry, the temperature -20C or lower.

I'm not a big fan of comparisons and allusions in haiku but I felt it was essential in this one as all my other attempts at expressing this experience in haiku were pathetic. I posted this version of the haiku somewhere back in 2005/2006 and at least two individuals said this struck a chord with them (they had the same experience). I therefore felt justified in using it as the "hokku" in this rengay.

2. I don't have blond hair but these days it is closer to blond than what it was at birth. I remember when I first saw a gray hair appear. I pulled it out. After awhile, doing that would have led to baldness so I didn't pull out too many after that.

4. Either the car is a real clunker of the railway crossing is a doozey of a bump. :-)

5. The thing detached in this verse is "nature". Don't you love it when you go somewhere to enjoy the outdoors and some numskull decides to share his idea of "great music"?

This was written without any idea of it telling a story. Later however, I noticed that one could easily envision a story about a family going out on an Autumn picnic.