Vote the Idiot In!
Help us crown the king or queen of dolts. Just choose the wackiest of the wackos, and we’ll print the winner (or is it loser?)—the Dumbest Person in the World—in our September humor issue.
Dumb on the Job
A Florida bank refused to let a man born without arms cash his wife's check, even though he provided two forms of identification. The reason given: He couldn't provide a thumbprint. Source: (Cleveland) Plain Dealer
Dumb in Government
Russia’s finance minister, Alexei Kudrin, knows a way to generate taxes and goose his country’s sluggish economy: Everyone should drink and smoke more. “If you smoke a pack of cigarettes, that means you are giving more to help solve social problems,” he said. Source: CBS News
Dumb Criminals, Part I
A Connecticut bank received a strange phone call. It was from a pair of would-be robbers requesting that the bank prepare a bag of money for them to pick up a few minutes later. When they arrived, the men found the police waiting instead. Source: Associated Press
On her way home from having dinner and drinks, Melanie Shaker of Chicago got angry with her husband and tried to kick him. But she crashed through the window of a beauty salon, suffering several deep cuts. So naturally she sued the salon. Part of her argument: The store’s plate glass window, which fronts a sidewalk “frequently traveled by intoxicated pedestrians,” should have been stronger. Source: wbbm780.com (Chicago)
The owner of a Mount Kisco, New York, computer shop convinced a customer that his computer virus was part of an evil plot by Polish priests linked to the religious organization Opus Dei, authorities say. The priests were a threat not only to the man’s family, he insisted, but also to the entire United States. The best safeguard: regular credit card charges amounting to some $6 million over six years paid to the owner—who insisted he was working with the CIA—to ensure protection from the priests. (The owner has pleaded not guilty.) Source: nytimes.com
President Ian Khama of Botswana is looking for a wife, but only slim, beautiful women need apply. Pointing to a heavyset government official, Khama said, “I don’t want one like her. She may fail to pass through the door, break furniture with her heavy weight, and even break the vehicle’s shock absorber.” Source: ABC News
Robby Rose lost his first-place prize and was charged with a felony after it was discovered that he’d cheated in a Texas fishing tournament by stuffing a one-pound weight down the throat of a bass he’d caught. Officials became suspicious when they placed Rose’s fish in a tank and it sank to the bottom. Source: Dallas Morning News
Dumb Criminals, Part II
A 21-year-old man called the police after suspecting he’d just been ripped off. The marijuana he had purchased from a street dealer, he told cops, tasted “nasty,” and he wanted them to confirm that the weed was real. Luckily for him, it wasn’t. Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
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